Too Busy for Expectations
With a 50K looming in a few days, you’d think I’d be rather nervous. I’ve never run that far before and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to attack it. I have a general idea, but no real hard plan, about pacing, nutrition, clothing, and travel plans. I should probably be freaking out, but I’m really not. Why? Because my life is bonkers right now. It’s kinda crazy. I have midterms this week for seminary classes, a meeting after lunch today, confirmation tonight, plus a sick child at home and a conference the beginning part of next week. Honestly, I feel I’m too busy to have any concrete expectations.
Instead of pressure, I’m choosing to give myself some leeway. I’m going to allow myself to feel this out as I go. I will pack what I think I need, rely on aid stations for what I didn’t think of. I will show up Saturday with an expectation to reach past whatever limits I’ve set up for myself in the past. I can’t say it will be pretty, but I can say it will be an experience that I’m just going to let myself have. I know that running fills me up and empties me out at the same time. I am certain that I will have to dig deeper than I’ve ever dug but I’m also certain that I will learn a lot about myself in the process. Then, I guess, my expectation is to be present, to run far, and to focus on the present at all times. So, three days from the hardest thing I’ll ever do, this is what I want to leave you with, in the off chance that I won’t be able to write until after the race is done.